Rasulullah
sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam pernah berkata pada menantunya Ali r.a: “Wahai Ali,
apabila pengantin perempuan masuk ke dalam rumahmu, maka suruh tanggalkan
kasutnya ketika dia duduk & membasuh kedua-dua kakinya. Maka sesungguhnya
apabila kamu berbuat demikan Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala mengeluarkan
70 jenis kefakiran dari rumah kamu dan Allah
menurunkan 70 rahmat yang sentiasa menaungi di atas kepala pengantin sehingga
keberkatan itu meratai penjuru rumahmu & pengantin
itu sejahtera dari penyakit gila, sawan, dan sopak selama mana dia berada di
dalam rumah tersebut. Laranglah pengantin itu daripada makan & minum
4 jenis makanan ini: susu, cuka, ketumbar, & epal masam.
Dan kahwinkanlah orang-orang yang
sendirian di kalangan kamu, dan orang-orang yang layak [berkahwin] daripada
hamba-hamba sahayamu yang lelaki dan hamba-hamba sahayamu yang perempuan. Jika
mereka miskin Allah akan mengkayakan mereka dengan kurniaanNya. Dan Allah Maha
luas [pemberian-Nya] lagi Maha Mengetahui. (32)
Dan orang-orang yang tidak mampu berkahwin
hendaklah menjaga kesucian [diri]nya, sehingga Allah mengkayakan mereka dengan
kurniaanNya. Dan hamba-hamba yang kamu miliki yang mahukan perjanjian (agar
mereka dibebaskan), hendaklah kamu buat perjanjian dengan mereka, jika kamu
mengetahui ada kebaikan pada mereka, dan berikanlah kepada mereka sebahagian
daripada harta Allah yang dikurniakan-Nya kepadamu. Dan janganlah kamu paksa hamba-hamba
wanitamu untuk melakukan pelacuran, sedang mereka sendiri mahukan kesucian, kerana
kamu hendak mencari keuntungan duniawi. Dan barangsiapa yang memaksa mereka,
maka sesungguhnya Allah adalah Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang [kepada
mereka] sesudah mereka dipaksa [itu] . (33) [an-Nur 24 : 32-33]
Gesaan Untuk
Berkahwin
Al-Imam Ibn Kathir rahimahullah berkata dalam Tafsir
al-Quran al-Azhim:
What is your concept of an Islamic marriage?
Are you seeking only an Islamic Marriage, or civil, or both? Explain why for all reasons.
What are your expectations of marriage?
What are the three most important requirements you look for in a potential spouse?
What are you expecting of your spouse?
What is your view of the role of a husband?
What is your view of the role of a wife?
What would you consider causes serious enough for a divorce?
Are you seeking a polygamous marriage? Explain why/ why not in detail.
How do you dress?
How would you expect your future spouse to dress?
About the Future: (6 Questions)
What are your goals in life? Long term and short term plans.
Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the new future.
Where do you want to live (country)? And why? How would you gain legal status there?
What are your career goals (realistic and achievable)?
How long do you expect to achieve those goals?
ًWhat are you doing to achieve those goals currently?
About Religion: (22 Questions)
What is the role of religion in your life – now?
Are you a spiritual person?
What can you offer your mate, spiritually?
How much Qur'an do you have memorized?
Do you pray all 5 daily prayers? Do you pray them on time? If not, why?
Do you dress according to Islamic guidelines? If not, why?
Do you pray Tarawih during Ramadan? If not, why?
Do you pray any or all of your prayers in the masjid?
If you are a male, do you pray every Jummah prayer in the masjid? If not, why?
Have you ever performed Ummrah or Hajj?
How do you interact with non-Muslims during their holidays?
Daily Life Matters:
Do you feel that both the husband and wife should share in household chores?
What is your opinion of speaking other languages in the home that I do not understand? With friends? With family?
Do you like to have guests in your home for entertainment?
How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
Do you expect all decisions to be made as a couple, considering the
other's views? Or do you believe the man makes all the decisions even if
the wife disagrees? How will you manage this situation?
Do you support the idea of utilizing baby-sitters and maids?
In-Laws: (11 Questions)
What do you expect your relationship to be like with the family of your spouse?
What do you expect the relationship between your spouse and your family to be like?
Is there anyone in your family that lives with you now?
Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?
Will your spouse be obligated to care (physically or financially) for the in-laws if they live with you?
Are there any family members that are financially dependent on you for support? (partial or full support) Explain.
If for any reason your relationship with your in-laws turns sour, what should be done?
If for any reason your spouse's relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
If your family mistreats your spouse in a matter, how would you handle the situation?
If your spouse mistreat your family in a situation, how would you handle the situation?
If a family conflict reaches an unresolvable solution, and either
your family or your spouse gives you the ultimate that it is “you or
them”, how would you resolve the matter?
Dealing with Emotions: (20 Questions)
After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
How do you express your admiration for someone that you know - now?
How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?
Do you like to write your feelings?
If someone has wronged you, how do you want them to apologize to you?
If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
How much time passes before you choose to forgive someone?
Do you use foul language at home? In public? With your family?
Do your friends use foul language?
Does your family use foul language?
How do you express anger?
How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
What do you do when you are angry?
When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?
When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or not, how should the conflict be resolved?
Are you willing to have intervention via an Imam, counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist if needed?
Define mental, verbal, emotional, and physical abuse.
What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
Money Matters:
What is your definition of wealth?
Do you give sadaqa regularly?
If you got married, and your spouse's family needed financial
assistance would you be willing to help them if/when the need arises?
